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Yes, I have deliberately been avoiding posting for a while. I've been very angry about some things that have been going on, but you know, I'm not angry anymore; sometimes you just have to look at things more objectively. It was, it happened, it's over. Why should it need to go on?

What the hell am I talking about?
Can I just claim uncertainty or should I plead the 5th?

Things have changed dramatically over here. I vowed to be single and only be friends with men. Then Westley reappears and whips out a ring.

Ah, Westley. We broke up for good reasons; he needed a friend more than a girlfriend, as shoe so aptly put it. So we remained great friends. We hung out, which is something that exs sometimes just can't do. But we did. And sometimes it was a little awkward, but other times we just had the best time. We still could laugh together, we still appreciated each other, you know, it was like being together, but without the ties; we were very hands-off whilst we were friends. But we talked about everything. Things we didn't talk about we didn't miss.

When did Violent Femmes do Crazy? I thought it was a Gnarls Barkley thing. Who covered whom? I must investigate.

The Femmes Covered Gnarls. Now you know.

Anywho, along came Keaton. I wasn't sure about the whole thing. Westley encouraged me to go for it, reminding me that he wasn't going to be able to make me happy like that. I dated Keaton, assuming Westley and I could still be friends. And due to ...I'm trying to think of how to put it without placing blame. Remember, not trying to be mad anymore? Well, Westley and I didn't talk for the duration of the relationship with Keaton.

I'll be damned if I could get Westley out of my head. And don't think for a second that I didn't try. I journaled and journaled in some effort to purge him out of my mind. I desperately tried not to mention his name. If I thought of him, I'd chastise myself and push, even shove, him out of my mind. But regardless, I ended up wondering if he may have been the one that got away. Isn't that horrible? I thought it was. I journaled more and tried harder to pull off that "once and for all" kind of journal entry where I wouldn't have to mention him again.

Truthfully, there were things wrong with the relationship I was in. I always tried to paint it in the best light; it kept me going. And I still say Keaton's got more integrity than anyone I've known. And he is sweet. We had some very good times. But you know, it wasn't enough. One very trying day, I broke. I couldn't be with him anymore. I thought we could still be friends, but I was shown that was not possible. (Yes, I'm leaving out a lot of details. They don't matter. I'm not being angry.)

Everything turns out the way they're supposed to be. That's all I will say about it.

I vowed not to date anyone for a long time. I said this to anyone who would listen. I told Macaroni, I told Keaton, I told Westley, I told my parents.

Sometimes you swear things like that and then get powned: these things are not always up to you. Granted, I could have chosen to tell Westley to shut up as he told me how much he missed me (I think I did, but more out of shock than disgust; I was afraid that he hated me). I could have ignored it when he described to me the same things I went through; making heroic efforts to get the other out of our minds, looking for any and every reason why we shouldn't be together, the pop-up visits from the other's ghost, the imaginary arguments and ass kickings... I could have told him to go suck an egg.

What... do you think I'm insane?

I actually look forward to the winter. Perhaps I am insane.