I love facebook

I found my best friend from elementary! Well, she was one of two. But she was beautiful. We played and played. She had pet alligators. And she loved bunnies. And we used to play horses and unicorns all the time (as girls, playing was all roll playing, not some strange board game or something), and the girl, I kid you not, could run like a DEER. She outran most of the boys in the school, I swear. I lost track of her in middle school, but I remember having to listen to "Bridge Over Troubled Water" by Simon and Garfunkle in health class and crying for her. I missed her and I was vaguely aware she had some crap in her life. The entire time I cried, I was kind of surprised that I was crying. Of course everyone was staring at me, or so I thought. Look at nic freaking out again. What else is new?

I've found a ton of old classmates on facebook, too. I started pondering that. Middle and high school were horrible times for me, like a seven year long panic attack. I was so nervous, I was uncomfortable around large groups of people but was painfully unaware of it, and I was terribly paranoid. I'm sure I've mentioned how I've dug up my diaries from high school and they make me want to go back and slap the sh!t out of myself and, once over that, I'd try to talk some sense into me.

Boys were a religion for me, as was reputation keeping. The only problem was I seemed to lack the ability to think as well as utilize much self control-- I wanted to be vibrant and laugh, I wanted to connect with people, but I was afraid of that. Or I didn't have the confidence to BE that. I'd try to play it cool, but then I'd freak out because I cared too much about what everyone else thought and do something stupid (dance like Tiffany, or have conversations far louder than ever necessary), which I believe earned me the reputation of being a stupid spazz.

Maybe I shouldn't speculate; if I'm entirely honest, I have no idea what other people thought. I know they weren't always nice, but so be it; I wasn't always nice, either, nor was I easy to understand. People thought and did what they did, that was then and thank GOD this is now. I don't seem to spazz much anymore. Oh, the glory of growing older; I can be who I am and that's the best thing in the world. Granted, if you've read this blog for any period of time, you've seen I'm prone to serious strokes of utter stupidity and heroic lapses in judgment that would astound many, but hey, I'm starting to think it's funny when I screw up. Then I thought it was tragic like suicide.

I'm glad I found my old friend. I can't wait to hear what life brought her. I can't wait to see her again. (Even if it is in photos.)