I signed up just in time for a class at the community college. It's Photoshop-- something that I'm very interested in getting to know really well. Apparently a Photoshop class will satisfy the requirements to renew my professional teaching certification, if that makes any sense.
I don't know why I'm bothering to renew it. I don't think I want to be in education anymore. At least not the kind that requires certification. Certainly not the kind that requires managing more than 10 kids at a time. I'm despondent and this lack of enthusiasm for my trade is disturbing to me. I used to get geeked about teaching something, of creating understanding in my students. I'd get giddy just thinking about watching the lights go on. Now I am unable to take work home with me; it won't get touched-- it brings on too much guilt to dampen my good weekend spirits. I'm counting down the days until I never have to go back, loving the idea of walking out the door for the last time. Snapping at kids left and right to keep them in line, but knowing I'm failing at it. Being very harsh in my criticisms of myself and confident only in that I have no confidence in myself as a teacher or even a library media specialist anymore. I am a statistic. Many of these statistics, in fact.
Yeah, I know. Cry me a river. I could blame a lot of factors- work environment, poor teacher training, my own idealism and naivete, falling through the cracks... I guess I just shoulda known better. Asked more questions. Demanded more. But how could I have known? I didn't know what I didn't know, you know?
Just to make it clear: I dig the kids. They have so many great ideas, so much enthusiasm, and some of them just need to know that there are adults out there who don't have to be control freaks. So many kids that just need someone to listen to them without being critical or judgmental. Empathy is what gets me "in" with the kids who fearlessly tell other teachers to f*ck off and wouldn't think twice of hitting one. I love 'em. And I think they love me, too. ...Obviously in a professional/mentor/mentee kinda way, NOT romantic... I mean, seriously: EW.
But back to the topic, I guess what I have to do is consider what I got:
I have a fancy camera, a fancy computer with photoshop, a decent working knowledge of both, a steady hand that draws pretty damn well, good communication skills and hella good customer service skills. Oh yeah, a professional teaching certificate, a master's degree with an emphasis in technology, a library media endorsement, and a few years teaching and library experience.
Outside of teaching, what am I qualified to do?
2 other thoughts:
I met a teacher who was very discouraged about her career choice and wondered if she had made a bad choice. Though it's not politically correct to say anything bad about kids, the fact is that she found teaching kids extremely frustrating.
Rather than leave teaching altogether she discovered that she liked teaching adults. The holw dynamic changed for her, here her students wanted to be there and were open, interested and receptive. So it wasn't that teaching wasn't wrong for her, it was teaching children that was the problem for her.
children are evil, dad. you know this.
either way, nic...it sounds like you have a lot of knowledge to share and working in customer service actually sucks knowledge out of your brain, so this is my less articulate method of saying the same don't stop teaching in some way, shape or form.
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